The Poo Party


Scene: We are having dinner with my husband’s bachpan ke best friend and his wife and their one year old daughter. They have been dying to see our newborn baby girl so this was a king awaited get together.

My baby is in cute dress. I have dumped my normal makeup routine by now (refer to previous post) as too much hassle. Now I have a much watered down routine, slather on face cream, sunscreen and wear a hurriedly semi ironed top and loose culottes (which are the only item of lower body clothing that will fit).

We enter the restaurant. They look at baby, clinging to papa’s arms with her standard scowl discouraging anyone to take her away from her comfort zone, and say the appropriate aaawwws and oooohs. Then, some time later when we were seated at our table, my husband’s friend remarks, ‘Mashallah, she is so cute, but it seems she never smiles!’ Hubby smiles and says proudly ‘she does smile, but at the right time, you have to wait for it!’

Our order arrives; chicken steaks with fries and virgin mocktails. My hubby deposits baby in the car seat on the chair next to him. We get busy in the first few bites of our meal, when a familiar sound starts from the direction of the car seat. ‘uuuuuuuuuuggghhhhh’

My husband and I make eye contact.

‘Uuuuuuuuuuuuugghhhhhh’ the baby starts again.

My hubby’s friend and wife look up, dropping their cutlery. ‘Ummm, is she ok?’ the wife asks me, looking at the baby.

‘Yes, she is fine!’ I reassure her with an overly bright smile. ‘Please don’t stop your food!’

‘Uuuuuuuuuuugghhhhhhh’ baby starts again.

‘Ok, I have to ask,’ My husband’s friend finally says turning around, ‘What is she doing?!’

My hubby looks at his friend defensively, raising his eyebrows. ‘You know what she is doing! You have a baby right there yourself.’ He says pointing accusingly at the innocent one year old eating her mushy packet meal quietly.

‘Actually, I don’t, Aisha never made such noises.’

‘uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugghhhhhhh’ baby continues disregarding the hot discussion around her.

‘Fine, she makes those sounds when she is straining to poo.’

‘Oh,’ His friend says, embarrassed, and looks at his wife. His wife gives him a glare like ‘had hai, kya stupid questions kar rahe ho!’. I have lost my appetite by now and my hubby is angry now as if he has personally been insulted.

Baby having finished her poo, now looks at everyone and gives them the most brightest and widest grin. Just in time for dessert 😜.

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